Title :  Writing off relationships
Author :  Unknown

When the bus come, you look at it and you said to yourself, "eeee... so full...cannot sit down one". You said to yourself, "I'll wait for the next one."

So you let the bus go and waited for the second bus. Then the second bus came, you looked at it and you said, "eeee...this bus so old... surely very uncomfortable one." So you let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus.

After a while, another bus came. It's not crowded and not old but you said, "eeee... no air-con one...and the weather is so warm, better wait for the next one. So again you let the bus go and decided to wait for the next bus. Then the sky started to get dark as it is getting late. You panicked and jump on to the next coming bus. It is not until much later that you found out that you had boarded on to the wrong bus! So you wasted your time and money waiting for what you want! Even if an aircon bus came, can you ensure that the aircon bus won't break down or will the aircon be too old for you?

So people...(mostly girls but guys too!) want to make sure that what you want is not wrong. But it wouldn't hurt to give other people a chance, right? If you found that the "bus" doesn't suit, you just press the red button and get off the bus! But wait...I am sure all of you have this experienced before. You saw a bus is coming (the bus you want of course) you flagged it and the driver acted blur by pretending not seeing you and zoomed pass you!

The bottom line of being loved is like waiting for a bus and whether you want to get on the bus and give the bus a chance depends totally on you and walking alone is just like being out of love. If you love someone set him/her free. If he/she comes back to you, you know they are yours. If they don't then it was never meant to be. Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what he or she means to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time, it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets.
 

Title : Symbol of Love
Author :  Unknown
Article contributed by : Jennifer Li

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with a little water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: "As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and just like the water spilling out of your hand, Love will retrieve from you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.

If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings. Give and don't expect. Advise, but don't order. Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought...
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.

Title :  Love and Marriage
Author :  Unknown

A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
 
The student went to the field, go through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered....maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he went back to the teacher with empty hands.
 
The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when you realised later, you have already missed the person...."
 
"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.
 
The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
 
The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied, and come back to the teacher.
 
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got.... this is marriage."
 

Title : Listen to Love
Author :  Unknown

There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel.

For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you." So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you,' 'I don't want you to get hurt.'

We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say. And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted. Therefore, we have to LISTEN FOR LOVE in the words that people are saying to us.

Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed sincerely. An impulsive hug says I LOVE YOU even though the words might be saying very different. Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface. A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same. A daughter comes home way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listen carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. 'Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me.' We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears.

Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express. The problem in listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.

The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face. Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry. We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize.

Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place, after all. LOVE is a happy thing. It makes us laugh. It makes us sing. It makes us sad. It makes us cry. It makes us seek the reason why. It makes us take. It makes us give. Above all else it makes us LIVE. It is not the presence or absence of people that makes the difference because a person need not be lonely even if he is alone. Sometimes it is good to be alone. But that does not make us lonely. It is not a matter of being present WITH someone. It is a matter of being present TO someone. If you love someone, tell them. Always to say what you mean. Never be afraid to express yourself. Seize the day and have no regrets. The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around.
 

Title : How to be a better couple
Author :  Unknown
Article contributed by : Jennifer Li

10 steps to enjoying each other better...

1. Be realistic about each other
Don't try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys. There is only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world. Give your gal a break and   understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnight with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so you are gonna have to do with what your guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what you are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

2. Always talk things out
Now guys, I know this is not your favourite pastime or mode of resolving issues, but you know what ? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what your are angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about ! When you stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

3. Do stuff together
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities; something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or just strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts you to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if your gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you are spending more time with your friends than with your partner, it's a warning sign that you are drifting apart !!!

4. Meet each other halfway
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The Rock" print, you shouldn't kick up much of a fuss. If he asks you to keep your room tidy. There's got to be a little giving and taking in a relationship. So learn to meet each other halfway.

5.Show your love
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then. Even if you have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that you care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes). Buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

6. Respect each other
Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is you love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse ! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Gals...don't bring up the happy things about you and your ex to your guy. It would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that you had with your ex or mention about her in your every other sentence as it would make your gal feel unhappy and she might think that you are saying all this because you are going to get back with your ex or not interested in her anymore.

8. Sit on your jealousy
All of us go through spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you are going through your partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, you know something is wrong - with you !!!  Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner; love has to have trust in it.

9. Keep your commitments to each other
If your partner is standing you up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk ! If you are in a relationship, make your partner your priority and don't disappoint them if you can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take you to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises you can't keep. If your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to you, you may just lose him/her.

10. Be honest
Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly ! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you are hurt, say so, and when you are angry, tell him/her, without getting hysterical. If you can't be honest with your partner, who can u be honest with ? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it !

Title : Letting Go
Author :  Unknown
Article contributed by : Alex

Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls. You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen"... I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing.

One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.

Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.

They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before. You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.

You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.

You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet.

And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.

That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet. And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

Title : Expectations in Relationships
Author :  Unknown
Article contributed by : Sandy

Very often, the expectations we have of others stem from our own consciousness,our own psyche, and have little or nothing to do with the other person.

When we take our own ideals, standards, and values and use them as benchmarks of whether someone is good enough for us or good enough to us, we're bringing unhealthy expectations into the relationship. We then demand that the other person behaves in accordance with these expectations. So when he or she eventually does something that appears to be in deep contrast with the standards we've projected onto them, we often feel hurt, betrayed, angry and confused.

Have you ever done something nice for someone that you expected them to like, but they weren't showing the enthusiasm about it that you thought they might? It was something you would have appreciated someone doing for you, so why didn't they like it?

When we base our perception of our partner using our own beliefs, values and experiences, we're bound to be disappointed. We may then begin to drive our partner away by becoming cold and aloof, unappreciative, selfish and suspicious.

The truth is, people show us exactly who they are and how much they care for us through their everyday behaviors. They wake up early to prepare breakfast for us. They know exactly how we like our minced meat noodles. They leave the last fishball for us. They call almost everyday during lunchtime to see how we are. They sacrifice sleep to go shopping for the freshest crabs to make chili crab for us. I realise the high number of food-related examples, buy hey, I'm Singaporean - eating is our life!

Give it some thought and you'll realise how many different ways your partner shows you that he or she loves you. We need to stop fantasising about how a perfect partner should behave. And we need to stop suspecting that things are not as they are.

Take a moment to think about someone for whom you have developed a set of expectations for. How accurate are the assumptions you have made about this person's feelings and behaviors? Can you see that many of your expectations of them really revolve around you and your own feelings, beliefs, hopes, needs, and desires related to the relationship? That these things have been projected onto them?

We continue to look at how bringing unrealistic expectations into a relationship can prevent us from developing love, honesty, and meaning.

Take a moment now to think about how you view your partner's words and actions. Do you usually tune out obvious clues to their authentic personality? Projecting upon them instead, a set of your own hopes, beliefs, needs and desires?

Of course, it usually seems safer and easier to stay in the secure cocoon of our fantasies. But if we remain there, we are guaranteeing ourselves more pain from the inevitable letdowns of unmet expectations. After all, how can anyone ever live up to an illusion?

When we choose to break the illusion and replace our assumptions and projections with a more truthful evaluation, we become free from expectations. We then have the opportunity to create a clearer and more honest relationship.

On the flip side, we may sense that we are part of someone else's illusions at times, and that they have made assumptions and expectations of us. If we are afraid of losing this person, we typically try to live up to these fantasies. We withhold our real selves, presenting instead a version of ourselves we think this person demands.

But when the cracks begin to show, where will you hide? Is the person in love with you or the version of you you've allowed that person to see? Are you contributing to the reinforcement of illusions and projections that others have related to you, that have led them to develop unrealistic expectations of you? We hold some responsibility here, not to conform to others' manufactured images of ourselves.

Be real with the people in your life. Let them know who you really are, and how you really feel. As you begin to see and accept them for who they truly are, gently help them to see their own mistaken assumptions and illusions they've built around you, and see the real you.

When we demonstrate the courage to embrace the truth, we can finally put an end to the pain of constantly being disappointed by our partners falling short of our expectations. Only then can we move forward to build a relationship rich in authenticity, intimacy, trust and deep emotional bonding.

As Nikos Kazantzakis once said, "I expect nothing. I am free."

Title : Attracting Healthy Relationships
Author :  Unknown
Article contributed by : Sandy

Someone once said that in order to love fully, you have to risk having your heart broken.

Too many people in infatuations, romantic relationships and marriages make the mistake of withholding love. Most of our relationships have boundaries. We use them for protection. We've been hurt before, and we're afraid of becoming too intimate with someone lest we get hurt again. As a result, there is mistrust, we play mind games, withhold who we truly are, and refuse to cede our power and pride.

Trust takes a while to develop. The problem is when someone is never able to be completely open and honest. In order to have an intimate relationship with anyone, we must first love and trust ourselves. If we are untrustworthy, we probably will not be able to trust anyone else. The problem is often not the other person. The problem is when we make unsound choices based on our insecurities and fears.

It's good for us to be able to see our own areas that need improving. However, it is distorted to believe ourselves to be unlovable. No matter who we are or what we've done, what we choose to do with our lives is a matter of free will. We can, at any time, change our thinking and immediately begin changing our experience. That is, if we prefer to grow rather than wallow in self pity. Until we can truly accept and love ourselves exactly as we are, close, loving relationships will be hard to come by. Instead, we'll find ourselves dogged by unhealthy, secretive and selfish relationships.

If we can resign ourselves to be in that perfect place of love, where we are giving, loving, and trustworthy for others, people will come into our experience. Some will be healthy for us and others will be draining. To attract those who will resonate with us, we can simply speak softly our highest truth and stand quietly in our integrity. Those who cannot bear the light will slip back into the shadows.

It is often easier to love those we haven't met than those we face daily! Potential partners are always more attractive and interesting in our imagination and in their distance. We always want what we do not have. When we do have it and the illusion falls away, we find that we are unable to deal with the reality, and begin to hanker after another false image.

If we would be loved, we must be loving. If we can look beyond the humanness of another - that is, the weakness and fallibility of being human - then we can see the beauty within. It's that beauty that we fall in love with. That grows ever more lovely even as age creases the skin, loosens the muscles and greys the hair.

Love is an infinite commodity. You can't give it away without creating more. You attract into your life that which you are. To find the right person, be the right person.